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Newfoundland Labrador.

Come for our quilts. Stay for our gardening gloves.

Call Oilibhéar Ó Coileáin, 1-800-563-6353.

New energy, new motto

You're a mean one

Jerome Kennedy says we can call him a Grinch.

Jerome, you're a Grinch!

NOPE, not even close

That's not a speech. That's a speech!

Canada's NDP

Time for another Royal Commission

Executive Council
September 18, 2008

Premier Announces Royal Commission on How Everything is Fabian Manning's Fault

The Honourable Danny Williams, Premier of Newfoundland Labrador, today announced the appointment of a Royal Commission on How Everything is Fabian Manning's Fault.

"We, as a people, are proud, strong, and determined," the Premier said. "We will not let people like Fabian Manning stand in the way of progress, especially considering that everything is his fault."

Premier Williams noted that Fabian Manning was first elected to office in 1993, and that pretty everything has gone to shit since then.

"This is not a coincidence," the Premier says. "We deserve answers. Fabian Manning owes us. We will stand up for Newfoundland Labrador. We will not take Fabian Manning's big blue shaft lying down."

The members of the Royal Commission are the Hon. Danny Williams, the Hon. Trevor Taylor, and the Hon. Tom Hedderson.

"Let me make it clear that this is not a Blame Fabian Commission," the Premier made clear. "Nothing could be further from the truth. That's because we already know that it's his fault, whatever it is. We just want to know the scope of how much Fabian Manning has shafted us over the past fifteen years, why Fabian Manning has shafted, and continues to shaft us, and how we can prevent him from shafting us further, on a go forward basis."

The Royal Commission on How Everything is Fabian Manning's Fault will commission research teams to prepare in-depth studies into the following subjects:

• how Fabian Manning destroyed the cod stocks
• how Fabian Manning racked up eleven billion dollars in provincial debt through his MHA allowance
• why Fabian Manning made Premier Williams drive with a cellphone to his ear
• why Fabian Manning puts toxic mould in schools
• how Fabian Manning messed up hundreds of cancer tests
• why Fabian Manning won't give doctors and nurses a decent wage
• how Fabian Manning causes potholes, ruts, washouts, and bridge collapses
• Fabian Manning's involvement in the past few years harsh winters
• how Fabian Manning is responsible for delayed ferry departures out of Port aux Basques
• why Fabian Manning gave away the Upper Churchill and why he continues to try and give away the Lower Churchill
• the direct connection between Fabian Manning's laughter at Stephen Harper's lame humour and torrential rains and flooding on the Avalon Peninsula
• why Fabian Manning continues to breach provincial government computer security
• whether Fabian Manning and Paul McCartney are the same person
• whether, after fifteen years, Newfoundland Labrador should separate from Fabian Manning entirely and go it alone

"Fabian Manning is a scourge on Newfoundland Labrador," Premier Williams said. "He is the biggest single problem facing our nation today. We are mad as hell about Fabian Manning, and we are not going to take his big blue shaft any more."

There is no health care crisis

"There are no doctors and nurses resigning in Newfoundland. Never! Our initial assessment is that they will all stay. I will take you there and show you. IN ONE HOUR! I blame Globe and Mail - they are marketing for the Canadians! God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Newfoundlanders! Alberta is not worth an old shoe! The louts of colonialism! We will welcome them with shoes! These cowards have no morals. They have no shame about lying. This is an illusion. The operation continues. Everything is OK. There is no health care crisis!"

Premier Williams Wins Stanley Cup

Executive Council
June 4, 2008

Premier Williams Wins Stanley Cup

Premier Danny Williams is proud, strong, and determined to announce that he has single-handedly won the Stanley Cup, becoming the first Newfoundland Labradorian to do so.

“We got it! We got it!” the Premier said as he skated a victory circuit with the cup raised over his head.

“Never in my life could I imagine I would be so proud to be a Newfoundland Labradorian,” Williams said. “However this isn’t just my Stanley Cup victory, this is the people’s Stanley Cup victory.”

The Premier won the Stanley Cup tonight in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, defeating the Pittsburgh Penguins 3-2.

“Our victory tonight sends a signal to Stephen Harper, that we will be masters of our own domain, on a go-forward basis, with or without the federal government,” Premier Williams said.

The Premier says he is looking forward to shaving his playoff beard and getting back to the important business of governing the province.

“We felt it was important, from our perspective, to go out and win this Stanley Cup. Danny Williams didn’t do this for Danny Williams, he did it for Daniel Cleary and Danielle Butt and Daniel Ashini and Daniel’s Harbour and all the other Dannys in our great province.”

This is Premier Danny Williams’ second major sports accomplishment which he has won on his watch.

In 2006, the Premier won the Olympic gold medal in men’s curling in Turin, Italy.

In 2007, Premier Williams placed second in the Canadian Idol, but was cheated out of the victory by the rigged Canadian government cellphone voting system.

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Media contacts:

Elizabeth Matthews
Director of Communications
Office of the Premier
709-729-3960, 693-7291
elizabethmatthews@gov.nl.ca

Andrea Nolan
Press Secretary
Office of the Premier
709-729-4304, 727-0991
andreanolan@gov.nl.ca

"On my watch"

It'll be like there was never a paper mill there, but it didn't happen on Danny's watch.