Thursday, December 11, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
September 18, 2008
"We, as a people, are proud, strong, and determined," the Premier said. "We will not let people like Fabian Manning stand in the way of progress, especially considering that everything is his fault."
Premier Williams noted that Fabian Manning was first elected to office in 1993, and that pretty everything has gone to shit since then.
"This is not a coincidence," the Premier says. "We deserve answers. Fabian Manning owes us. We will stand up for Newfoundland Labrador. We will not take Fabian Manning's big blue shaft lying down."
The members of the Royal Commission are the Hon. Danny Williams, the Hon. Trevor Taylor, and the Hon. Tom Hedderson.
"Let me make it clear that this is not a Blame Fabian Commission," the Premier made clear. "Nothing could be further from the truth. That's because we already know that it's his fault, whatever it is. We just want to know the scope of how much Fabian Manning has shafted us over the past fifteen years, why Fabian Manning has shafted, and continues to shaft us, and how we can prevent him from shafting us further, on a go forward basis."
The Royal Commission on How Everything is Fabian Manning's Fault will commission research teams to prepare in-depth studies into the following subjects:
- how Fabian Manning destroyed the cod stocks
- how Fabian Manning racked up eleven billion dollars in provincial debt through his MHA allowance
- why Fabian Manning made Premier Williams drive with a cellphone to his ear
- why Fabian Manning puts toxic mould in schools
- how Fabian Manning messed up hundreds of cancer tests
- why Fabian Manning won't give doctors and nurses a decent wage
- how Fabian Manning causes potholes, ruts, washouts, and bridge collapses
- Fabian Manning's involvement in the past few years harsh winters
- how Fabian Manning is responsible for delayed ferry departures out of Port aux Basques
- why Fabian Manning gave away the Upper Churchill and why he continues to try and give away the Lower Churchill
- the direct connection between Fabian Manning's laughter at Stephen Harper's lame humour and torrential rains and flooding on the Avalon Peninsula
- why Fabian Manning continues to breach provincial government computer security
- whether Fabian Manning and Paul McCartney are the same person
- whether, after fifteen years, Newfoundland Labrador should separate from Fabian Manning entirely and go it alone
Posted by I. P. Freely at 3:36 PM
Friday, August 01, 2008
"There are no doctors and nurses resigning in Newfoundland. Never! Our initial assessment is that they will all stay. I will take you there and show you. IN ONE HOUR! I blame Globe and Mail - they are marketing for the Canadians! God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Newfoundlanders! Alberta is not worth an old shoe! The louts of colonialism! We will welcome them with shoes! These cowards have no morals. They have no shame about lying. This is an illusion. The operation continues. Everything is OK. There is no health care crisis!"
Posted by I. P. Freely at 10:10 AM
Thursday, June 05, 2008
June 4, 2008
“We got it! We got it!” the Premier said as he skated a victory circuit with the cup raised over his head.
“Never in my life could I imagine I would be so proud to be a Newfoundland Labradorian,” Williams said. “However this isn’t just my Stanley Cup victory, this is the people’s Stanley Cup victory.”
The Premier won the Stanley Cup tonight in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, defeating the Pittsburgh Penguins 3-2.
“Our victory tonight sends a signal to Stephen Harper, that we will be masters of our own domain, on a go-forward basis, with or without the federal government,” Premier Williams said.
The Premier says he is looking forward to shaving his playoff beard and getting back to the important business of governing the province.
“We felt it was important, from our perspective, to go out and win this Stanley Cup. Danny Williams didn’t do this for Danny Williams, he did it for Daniel Cleary and Danielle Butt and Daniel Ashini and Daniel’s Harbour and all the other Dannys in our great province.”
This is Premier Danny Williams’ second major sports accomplishment which he has won on his watch.
In 2006, the Premier won the Olympic gold medal in men’s curling in Turin, Italy.
In 2007, Premier Williams placed second in the Canadian Idol, but was cheated out of the victory by the rigged Canadian government cellphone voting system.
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Director of Communications
Office of the Premier
Office of the Premier
Posted by I. P. Freely at 12:08 AM
Monday, June 02, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Subject: RE: That's what friends are for
Danny, thanks for the kind offer. We'll keep it in mind if it comes down to that. Just - please, no seal meat. Or salt codfish.
No, on second thought, the Portuguese like salt codfish too, don't they? Ya, ok maybe sent us up some salt codfish.
See you at COTF.
Subject: That's what friends are for
I heard today about the situation up there on mainland Canada. I suppose you saw our budget today. Finally Peckford's prediction is coming true, the sun is shining and have not is no more. Not literally, the weather's SHIT again today, but you know what they say in Newfoundland, if you don't like the weather, move to B.C. (I love our traditional expressions!!!!!)
We got your back, little sister. Anything we can do to help.
Some musical thoughts to cheer you up:
I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...
Knowin' you can always count on me
that's what friends are for
In good times
And bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
Posted by I. P. Freely at 11:15 PM
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
April 29, 2008
As part of Budget 2008 - Strategizing Our Master Plan - the Williams Government today announced the creation of a Strategic Planning Task Force
"It has never been more important to print lots of reports and put them on shelves," Premier Danny Williams said today. "Writing, printing, distributing, and storing government reports is a very fundamental and important part of our economy, and a strategic part of our plan to strategically grow the strategic economy on a strategic priority basis."
The Strategic Planning Task Force which will be charged with developing a Strategic Task Force Plan as part of William's Government’s larger Task Force Planning Strategy.
"Strategic strategy is a strategic part of our strategy to be strategic," Premier Williams said. "Nothing could demonstrate our commitment to strategy or plannning better than our Strategic Strategy Plan which will allow us to plan strategically, and strategize planning in order to optimize our strategy for planning plans to plan strategy for planning strategically, on a go-forwards basis from our perspective. It's also good for the future of Task Forces, an important strategic growth sector for our beautiful province."
The Strategic Task Force Plan Development Phase will be followed by the Task Force Planning Strategy Implementation Phase, under the Task Force Strategic Plan, to be developed by the Planning Strategy Task Force which will implement the multi-year Planning Task Force Strategy on a multi-year go-forward basis.
Posted by I. P. Freely at 5:12 PM
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
March 26, 2008
Public Advisory: Harper Conservative Sightings
The Department of Intergovernmental Affairs is warning residents of recent reported sightings of Harper Conservatives near a number of communities.
Harper Conservatives have been sighted near Roddickton and the community of Quirpon, where one Harper Conservative entered a cabin by breaking a window. Another Harper Conservative was sighted near St. Anthony Monday evening, while on Tuesday a conservation officer spotted a Harper Conservative in the Squid Cove area approximately five kilometres from the community of Castors River South.
The pubic is reminded that Harper Conservatives are known to be extremely protective of their backbenchers. Accordingly, anyone encountering a Harper Conservative should:
• Remain calmPeople residing in communities in the vicinity of where Harper Conservatives have been sighted are strongly encouraged to properly store garbage to reduce the risk for a human-Conservative encounter.
• Give the Harper Conservative(s) space
• Back away slowly, never run
• Speak calmly, but firmly
• Avoid direct eye contact with the Harper Conservative(s)
Officers with the Department of Intergovernmental Affairs are continuing regular patrols of the areas where Harper Conservative sightings have been reported in an effort to track the movement of the Harper Conservatives.
Anyone sighting a Harper Conservative is asked contact the Department of Intergovernmental Affairs.
No, to hell with it, just call VOCM.
Posted by I. P. Freely at 2:16 PM