Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Friday, October 12, 2007

The Sun King Arises!!!

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the Far East of the Western World,
and Danny is the sun!
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious Liberal moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief


Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The New Religion

Our Danny
Who art in Humber
Hallow├Ęd be Thy Name
Thy Republic come
Thy Will be done
In Goose Bay as it is in St. John's
Give us this day our daily Danny Williams Foundation Donation
And forgive those of us who voted against You
As we forgive those of us who voted against You
And lead us not into Confederation
But deliver us from Chevron
For Thine is the Republic
The Power and the Glory
For ever and ever
Or until 2011

Amen.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

You should have voted for I.P. Freely!!!

See what you have done now!!!

WE MUST NEVER CEDE CONTROL OF THE MOTHERLAND!


Your old pal I.P. Freely could parody Danny's important message. But fuckit, why bother when it parodies itself!
Now enjoy my exclusive leaked footage of Danny rehearsing his victory speech before a house of partisans.



Monday, October 08, 2007

Vote for me or else!

I would like to thank all the little people who have helped with my campaign. Here is one last appeal for your support. See you at the I.P. Freely victory rally!!!

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Vote ABC! Do it for Danny!

Danny doesn't want you to vote Conservative!

Friday, October 05, 2007

This has been an unpaid political message

Danny really want's your vote:

Let's make a cabinet

Danny Williams may have a hard choice facing him in Labrador!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Danny's crowning achievement

Truly, where would we be without this great man?

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

More on the Hebron secret

Can you keep a secret? Danny Williams can!


Pride cometh before the fall

Vote with pride, and privacy and confidence!!!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Vote I.P. or suffer the consequences!

We have ways of punishing you.

Step away from the secret document!

Danny is not holding up to his own standards when he keeps the "Hebron Deal" secret.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Danny answers the critics

You show them, Danny boy!

Show your support

Enough with the high-pitched whine coming out of Labrador. The only high-pitched whine I want to hear is the hum of electrons and the wind howling through the transmission line down to the island.

Now you can show your support for the Premier's fantastic Energy Plan with this fantastic bumper-sticker.


Sunday, September 30, 2007

Lucky for us she's the FORMER Auditor General

Beth Marshall: clueless or witless, you decide?

Danny Williams and his salary

The shocking truth about Danny Williams' "salary"

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Tom Rideout and the spending scandal

That Tom Rideout! He sure has some explaining to do!

Vote for me and I'll set you free!

Today is the close of nominations in the provincial general election. After much soul searching I have decided to go for it. I can't do much worse than the other guys and maybe by accident I'll do better.

So I ask for your support. Write-in vote for I.P. Freely on your special ballot.

And remember, if you can write "I.P. Freely", you're my kind of people!

I.P. Freely 2007!

Tom Osborne's Honorable Member

It is sure nice to know that Tom Osborne has a member that works. Not like some of the other members who are a little limp in their performance. Some MHA's just don't stand up for the people they represent. Not Tom Osborne. He's solid as a rock. Some people don't like it when a politician is stiff or wooden, but for Tom Osborne, that's one of his best qualities. Tom Osborne works, oh yeah he works hard.


Tom Osborne got no need for Viagra, just a little aspirin to make sure Da Missus don't have a headache. Maybe a glass of red wine. Paul Dicks has a nice cellar I hear. Then it's off to the submarine races. Do it for Danny!

Friday, September 28, 2007

There's a NORTHERN Peninsula too?

Hey Danny remember us? We are still here, for now any way. Just so forgotten and ignored by you we are going to apply to be an honorary part of Labrador.

I'm embarassed

This is so embarassing. I feel badly for the guy.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Tom Rideout Repayment Plan

This plan is not available to public service pensioners or social assistance recipients.

Smackdown!

In case you missed the "DEBATE" the first time I give you the replay!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Auditor General's Report Movie

If you can't be bothered to read the Auditor General's Report now you can watch it.

Now that you've seen the movie, if you want to read the book here it is online:

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Debate night D-A-N-N-Y

Just in time for the big debate, it's another D-A-N-N-Y card. Now where's missus with my popcorn and dabber.

Lets Mambo from here to Gambo

"A little bit o' Maureen, she's my wife". It's so catchy, I wonder why Danny didn't use this as his theme song instead.

Edited post:

OKAY I give up. That embedded video is really annoying how it just automatically starts. Here's a link to it instead

Monday, September 24, 2007

Puzzled about Hebron

It pisses me off when you open up a jigsaw puzzle and there's pieces missing.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

This is what it's all about


"What's this election about again, Danny?"

"It's about pride, John. Pride."

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Signal Hill-Quidi Vidi-Robin Hood Bay

This is the title page of the NDP tax platform. Tax from the rich and give to the poor!


Now where dajeezis they plans on finding the rich, I'd like to know.

Friday, September 21, 2007

G-E-R-R-Y

It's, you know, hard work, you know, being Newfoundland's, you know, second most hated, you know, blogger. I'm just a working stiff, working my fingers to the bone every day. Speaking of working stiffs and bones, guess what we do all night? That $1000 baby bonus don't grow on trees.

But anyway people keep asking "I.P., when you gonna go after the Liberals or NDP?" Working all day and shagging all night don't leave much room for anything else. But now seems like a good as time as any. So we proudly present you with the GERRY game. It's simple, just like Liberals.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Put on a happy face

"Gerry Reid is a capable guy in his own way, but he's got an attitude, and he can't get over it. And everybody in the province is seeing it," Williams said during a rally in Twillingate.

"When they look at him, they see him on television, they see the scowl on his face."

D-A-N-N-Y Week Four

Jason in Halifax, M.D. in St. John's, Anne in Corner Brook, "Sonny" in St. John's, Barry in Gander and Rod in Paradise, you are the lucky winners in DANNY game number three. We figured that there would be lots of winners after that awesome speech Danny gave to launch his campaign in Corner Brook.

Watch for his Lear Jet in your community and be sure to keep your new game card right handy. This time we are playing for three lines in any direction.



Wednesday, September 19, 2007

So that's what PC stands for

If you don't vote for Danny Williams, you're just not people!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Stand by your man

I'm a little bit country, I'm a little bit rock and roll. Today I'm feeling a little bit country.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Off to the races!!!

The gun has sounded, and the piggies have left the starting gate.

Here at I.P. Freely we are excited. Bookmark this page, your one-stop shop for all your N&L political satire and other crap. Watch your wallets!!!

Putting the I in TEAM

Saturday, September 15, 2007

The I.P. Freely Book Club

This is Fall 2007's must-read. Order your copy today.


Friday, September 14, 2007

Danny Bingo! Election Is Imminint!

Let us first congradulate Barry C. in Deer Lake and Madeleine from somewhere on the Burin, she asked that her hometown be left out, who split the prize in the second week of Danny BINGO! Congratulations people, well played!

The election call is suppose to be coming on Monday. So here to get you started again is Danny BINGO card # three, just in case the Premier pops up in your area over the weekend. Then you will be able to dab out some more Danny catchphrases.

This week we are playing for a "BIG X or a Cross". "BIG X" or "Cross". Either one wins the game.

I would be remiss of me not to thank D. for the nice work laying out the Danny cards.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Jobs, jobs, jobs!

It's I.P. Freely, Career Councillor here. You don't need to go to college or MUN to get a good job. You will only end up working in Fort MacMurry anyway. No, young woman, young man, if you want to work at home, the only qualification you will ever need is your PC membership card.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Saucy

It's sauce for the Goose, sauce for the Gander, and sauce for every place in between! It's...

Warning: PC Memories of Joey Leadership Sauce may cause heartburn, electoral devastation, or resource giveaways.

Image credit - From http://newfoundlandlabrador.blogspot.com

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Being popular is so popular!

Another Increase in Popularity for Provincial Tories: Poll - Sep 6, 2007

The provincial Tories have some new poll numbers to smile about as they head into an election in just over a month's time. The latest Corporate Research Associates survey shows the governing PC's popularity has increased again, and now sits at 76 per cent of decided voters; the Liberals fell 3 points to 16 per cent. The NDP's support remains unchanged at 7 per cent. Undecided voters, those who don't plan to cast a ballot or refused to state a preference increased by 3 points to 18 per cent. 86 per cent of those asked are mostly or completely satisfied with the Tory government. 10 per cent are dissatisfied with their performance. And 77 per cent name Danny Williams as their choice for Premier. 9 per cent of those polled choose Liberal Leader Gerry Reid and 6 per cent choose NDP Leader Lorraine Michael. The latest survey was conducted from August 9th to August 31st and is based on a sample of 806 adult residents in the province. The last poll was conducted in May.


Saturday, September 01, 2007

Danny BINGO continues!

Congratulations to Phyllis in Greenspond, who was the winner for the game in Week One. Here's your new Danny BINGO card. This week we are playing for a Picture Frame.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Danny Williams and his Chamber of Secrets

Danny Claus, why?
Why are you keeping things secret from us?
Why?

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Danny BINGO

Today we start a new series - Danny BINGO.

Just download the card (a new one to come each week) and keep it by the radio and/or where you watch TV or read the paper. Then just carry on with your normal life.

Every time you hear or read the words of our Glorious Leader Danny Williams, Praise be His Name and Hallowed are is Words, mark the Danny-word square.

When you fill them all in, call out "Danny-BINGO!!" and turn it into your local MHA for your prize. We can assure you that it will be the finest prize their constituency allowance can afford!

So listen to talk radio, watch the news on TV and read your papers. Mark your spots and you may be a winner!

(card #1)

Monday, August 13, 2007

On the campaign trail


Tourism, Culture and Recreation
August 13, 2007


Media Advisory: Minister to Take a Dump


The Honourable Tom Hedderson, Minister of Tourism, Culture and Recreation, will take a dump this afternoon, Monday, August 13, in Clarenville.

The dump will be taken, sanitary conditions permitting, in the mens’ washroom of the Irving station on the Trans-Canada Highway, at approximately 3:00 p.m.

"Clarenville is an important community on the East Coast of our Province," Minister Hedderson said. "I am honoured and pleased to be able to take a crap in this historic and scenic town, and encourage all Newfoundlanders and Labradorians to shit at home this year."

The Minister will be available for a photo opportunity immediately before voiding his bowels. He will also be available for comment immediately afterwards, most likely by calling Bill Rowe, who will ask uncomfortable questions about the texture, colour, odor, and buoyancy of Minister Hedderson's turds.

Media representatives are asked to confirm their attendance by calling or emailing Ken Cleary, Communications, Department of Tourism, Culture and Recreation.

-30-

2007 08 14 10:22 a.m.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Steve Kent - Man of many colours!

Get ready to see this on on a TV near you.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

License plate roundup

It looks like the government will be offering us a wide variety of license plates to choose from.

Courtesy Bond Papers:

Courtesy Table Mountains:


This one was last seen rolling onto the Port au Basques ferry. It seems he was an engineer from St. John's who couldn't find a job. He was pretty joyful in laying down his professional career in the service of his Premier and his province, though.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

New license plate

Government was good enough to update our automotive license plates featuring bold, clear and strong blue lettering. It turns out that those red letters were blurry, hard to read and kind of shifty in strong light.

Here's a sample (to be issued to the Premier personally) contributed by our friendly source at Motor Vehicles.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Monday, February 19, 2007

Premier Williams' Constitutional reforms

The Confederation Building is pretty leaky these days.

The most recent news from the government of Our Glorious Leader is a constitutional initiative centered around deletions to the Canadian constitution. This initiative will be unveiled very soon in another massive publicity campaign reminiscent of the provincial branding campaign.

The centerpiece will be this video.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Blogger Defence Fund

As a result of the actions and threats of government of legal action against bloggers over the last week, IP Freely is initiating a Blogger Defense Fund (BDF).

The BDF is a cooperative which will pay for the legal defense of paid-up blogger members. Any blogger in the province or writing on provincial issues is free to join the cooperative.

The law firm which has agreed to represent the BDF is the Toronto firm of Phukem, Skrewim and Bloughmie.

Willamina Noenotting, lead counsel, has assured the BDF that she and her colleagues Elizabeth Bloughprem and Anthony Psuckdyk will be offering a vigorous and zealous defense of the security, integrity or freedom or speech of the bloggers of Newfoundland and Labrador.

In the meantime, as a way of showing support for the Blogger Defence Fund (BDF) we are providing the opportunity for free speech loving bloggers everywhere to share their feelings with the government.

If you are interested in participating, simply:

  • Print out the button design below
  • Glue it to any old campaign button you might have lying around
  • Wear it with pride!
Thank you for your support!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Hang it near your phone


A friendly reminder from your government.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Sunday, February 11, 2007

By election eve special

After careful study, Chief Electoral Office Chuck Furey has identified the problem with declining voter turnout and apathy.

Voting is just too hard.

So after consulting with all of the parties that Danny Williams is leader of, he has come up with a new, simplified, voting system.

Rather than having 48 confusing districts, with different candidates running in each district, there is now just one slate for all 48.

Rather than have three and more different parties, which just confuses people who try to figure out what, if anything, distinguishes the Liberals, PC's and NDP, there will now be just one party.

And to really help the voter save time and trouble, the ballots will be pre-printed.

Just as in Iraq, this will ensure stable government for decades.

Don't forget to go out and exercise your democratic right to vote; IP wants to see a high a turnout as possible!

IP issues correction

A few weeks ago we published a leak from the Department of Eduction on the new map to be distributed to all schools for the proper teaching of geography.

We have since been contacted by the good people at the department and it has been gently suggested that we have 72 hours to issue an apology otherwise they will sue our asses off.

Like government, we are deeply attached to our asses (see John Hickey) and value our ass as a soft place to sit down (see John Hickey). We find it is a useful part of our body to excrete waste materials (see John Hickey), to pull out out from time to time to embarrass our adversaries (see John Hickey) but to otherwise keep under cover when not in use (again, see John Hickey if you can).

So, in that spirit, we publish the correct map below and apologize for any confusion.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

By-election day special II



Ask yourself: How would Joe vote?

By-Election day special!

Something to keep up your spirits on the way to the ballot box.



Make sure you have a nice pork roast, pork chop or ham steak for dinner today in celebration of our democratic right to vote and select those who will represent us!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

DannyCard



Appropriate for a government concerned with the state of debt in the province.

Monday, February 05, 2007

2017 video - karaoke time!

Play this one at your next party. Have a few beers and sing along. Works best if you are singing from some remote work camp in Alberta.



And don't forget to vote early and vote often!

Do it for the Bunnies

And now, one for the kids:

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Quebec, NL to merge

IP Freely is an eager reader of the Bill Rowe's weekly column in the Telegram. He is our spiritual and political inspiration and we hope he will someday rejoin the political fray and help lead this province back into the light.

While we await that glorious time, we have learned from good sources that Mr. Rowe's column last week was an engineered "leak", a trial balloon released by Premier Williams: we have discovered that Danny and Charest have already engaged in advanced talks about merging the two provinces.

For the two premiers, it's a win-win.

  • For Danny, it staves of the growing pressure for "Atlantic Union".
  • For Charest, it shows he has the leadership necessary for his charge on EU free trade, and, if taking in Newfoundland is the price for solving the Labrador "dispute", then it's a cheap price to pay. Plus, it's another half-million federalist-ish voters for the next referendum.
Talks are so far along that they are already considering flags for the new province and have already shortlisted these two designs.

Bill Rowe is said to be in line for a senior appointment for his role in all of this.

Since Quebec would object to being called Newfoundland, Newfoundland would object to being called Quebec, the new province will be called Labrador.

Flag #1

Flag #2

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Williams motivational poster


. . . because we all some some motivating to be worthy of our Premier.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Danny's home movies (and song)

More than once our Danny has referred to the people of this province as "homing pigeons". I guess he means that while our people may leave this province for greener pastures for a time, eventually our homing instinct will kick in and we will make our way back home.

Coming back from his Alberta trip, he did it again. He even brought back a home movie explaining what he meant for the more feeble-minded of us.

Thank you, Premier, for taking the time to make it clear what you really think.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Our (un)Happy Premier

You might remember the time when our fair Newfoundland and Labrador was Canada's Happy Province.

We were so happy that even our license plates said so.

But these days we don't seem so happy. We seem. . . sour and crooked.

Even our glorious premier seems. . . sour and crooked.

So we have put together this small video of advice to our dear premier.

Remember dear Danny: A smile is a light in the window of the soul indicating that the heart is at home.

North Korea and NL deal

This just in from the IPF Newswire. . . .

While it hasn't been made public in this country (or either of these countries yet), part of Danny's trade mission out west involved a secret, unannounced trip to North Korea.

This trip explains the recent flurry of activity around Makkovik and Postville.

Premier Williams has signed a deal giving North Korea unlimited access to Labrador uranium, as the article says, "for Peaceful Purposes Of National Development And Advancement Of Peaceful North Korean Peoples'". (See attached from the People's Republic Worker's Standard.)

In exchange, the Williams government is getting the very best of North Korean expertise in economics, state-owned enterprise, and diplomacy, with options on 20,000 fish plant workers.

Kim Jong Il has already dispatched the first several installments of expert advisers to Newfoundland, who have been at work behind the scenes for some months now. The head North Korean in Confederation Building, Park Sun Yee, is said to be one of the North Korean best.

He will be taking office in the space previously occupied by former economic development czar, Alfred Valdmanis.

The uranium is only being processed to "yellowcake" in the province. The North Koreans would not agree to the fuel rod plant that Williams was demanding for Stephenville, which he was hoping to announce during the Port-au-Port by-election. However, the Williams administration, desperate for an economic win, had to agree to the terms as proposed by the North Koreans.

Controversy over this deal has already erupted.

Sue Kelland-Dyer, president of ANL (Autarky NewfoundlandLabrador) is harshly critical of the deal. "I thought Danny would be taking the valuable principles of Juche and adapting them to this province. But as long as this province is not fully processing this uranium into value-added final products like fuel rods, we are giving away jobs. If countries like Pakistan and Iran can produce and export highly-enriched uranium for the world market, why can't we? We can learn much from them."

"This may be the biggest giveaway yet. If we can't export world-class completed nuclear weapons, then we should leave the uranium in the ground," she said.

The Newfoundland and Labrador Defense League (NLDL) released a statement through their spokesperson. "Finally this province would be recognized as a global nuclear center of excellence. We look forward to the growth of this industry and the important role it will have in defending this province's place in the world."

Premier Williams had no comment.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

New provincial map

This just in: a leak from the provincial government's Department of Education.

There's discontent with recent cartographic representations of this province so the Williams administration has decided to respond.

Not only is Labrador ours, all ours and just ours, but the representation of the rest of the province represents this government's geographical/cultural self-image.

Thanks to D, our anonymous source!

Sneak preview of PC campaign ad - "Who Needs It"

This just in - a leak from the PC Newfoundland and Labrador campaign headquarters. Called "Who Needs It", it's a winner!


Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Job opportunities with government

Who says the provincial government isn't doing anything for job creation?

They are doing all they can to ensure full employment of the Newfoundlandlabradorians who have the right qualifications.

See?

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

New campaign video

Again, the PC campaign is leaking like an old boat in bad weather. Here's another pilot campaign video, this time from the Kennedy campaign in Carbonear.

Good luck, Mr. Kennedy!


Monday, January 22, 2007

Dannystan Official Alert System

Watch this space for the most up to date warnings and where to bury your head when the time comes

Tuesday, January 16, 2007