Sunday, September 28, 2008

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Time for another Royal Commission

Executive Council
September 18, 2008

Premier Announces Royal Commission on How Everything is Fabian Manning's Fault

The Honourable Danny Williams, Premier of Newfoundland Labrador, today announced the appointment of a Royal Commission on How Everything is Fabian Manning's Fault.

"We, as a people, are proud, strong, and determined," the Premier said. "We will not let people like Fabian Manning stand in the way of progress, especially considering that everything is his fault."

Premier Williams noted that Fabian Manning was first elected to office in 1993, and that pretty everything has gone to shit since then.

"This is not a coincidence," the Premier says. "We deserve answers. Fabian Manning owes us. We will stand up for Newfoundland Labrador. We will not take Fabian Manning's big blue shaft lying down."

The members of the Royal Commission are the Hon. Danny Williams, the Hon. Trevor Taylor, and the Hon. Tom Hedderson.

"Let me make it clear that this is not a Blame Fabian Commission," the Premier made clear. "Nothing could be further from the truth. That's because we already know that it's his fault, whatever it is. We just want to know the scope of how much Fabian Manning has shafted us over the past fifteen years, why Fabian Manning has shafted, and continues to shaft us, and how we can prevent him from shafting us further, on a go forward basis."

The Royal Commission on How Everything is Fabian Manning's Fault will commission research teams to prepare in-depth studies into the following subjects:

  • how Fabian Manning destroyed the cod stocks
  • how Fabian Manning racked up eleven billion dollars in provincial debt through his MHA allowance
  • why Fabian Manning made Premier Williams drive with a cellphone to his ear
  • why Fabian Manning puts toxic mould in schools
  • how Fabian Manning messed up hundreds of cancer tests
  • why Fabian Manning won't give doctors and nurses a decent wage
  • how Fabian Manning causes potholes, ruts, washouts, and bridge collapses
  • Fabian Manning's involvement in the past few years harsh winters
  • how Fabian Manning is responsible for delayed ferry departures out of Port aux Basques
  • why Fabian Manning gave away the Upper Churchill and why he continues to try and give away the Lower Churchill
  • the direct connection between Fabian Manning's laughter at Stephen Harper's lame humour and torrential rains and flooding on the Avalon Peninsula
  • why Fabian Manning continues to breach provincial government computer security
  • whether Fabian Manning and Paul McCartney are the same person
  • whether, after fifteen years, Newfoundland Labrador should separate from Fabian Manning entirely and go it alone
"Fabian Manning is a scourge on Newfoundland Labrador," Premier Williams said. "He is the biggest single problem facing our nation today. We are mad as hell about Fabian Manning, and we are not going to take his big blue shaft any more."