Amber Alert

POLICE ISSUE AMBER ALERT

The Royal Newfoundland Labrador Mounted Cop Force has issued an immediate Amber Alert for Premier Danny Williams' shoulder.

The Williams shoulder was last seen sometime between the Premier's Tuesday night media scrum, and his Wednesday afternoon one. It is believed to have twitched completely off his body and escaped along the Parkway carrying a Blackberry.

The shoulder is described as a right shoulder, caucasian, approximately 60 years of age, and about five feet high. It may be distinguished by its well-tailored and expensive suits and a marked tendency to twitch, especially when asked a question more substantial than "to what do you attribute your brilliance, Premier Williams?", or when confronted with the cold, hard truth.

The shoulder may also be mentally confused, especially as to whether Newfoundland and Labrador is immune from the deepening worldwide recession.

Inspector-Detective Morley Roberts advises the public, that while the shoulder is not beleived to be armed or dangerous, and does not present a risk to itself or others, you should be cautious approaching the shoulder as it may attempt to flee.

It is possible that the shoulder may have already left the country. The Royal Newfoundland Labrador Mounted Cop Force has issued an alert through Interpol to national and local police forces in holiday destinations in Florida, Mexico, and the Caribbean.

Williams Produces his Billionth Barrel

Executive Council
Natural Resources
January 26, 2009

Williams Produces his Billionth Barrel

On the heels of celebrating his 10^th year as an oil-producing province, Danny Williams has achieved another significant milestone with the production Friday evening (January 23, 2009) of his one billionth barrel of oil from his three offshore oil projects – Hibernia, Terra Nova and White Rose.

"Since first oil from Hibernia, I have established myself as a major player on the international energy scene," said the Honourable Danny Williams, Premier of Danny Williams. "I have three world-class producing projects with a fourth in development, a skilled and knowledgeable workforce, the confidence of my oil industry partners and an estimated six billion barrels of oil and 60 trillion cubic feet of natural gas yet to be discovered. In addition to that, my energy corporation, Nalcor Energy, is now a full partner at the table in the Hebron and the White Rose extension projects. I am fully in control of my resources and my future."

Hibernia first began producing in 1997, followed by Terra Nova in 2002 and White Rose in 2005. The project operators are Hibernia Management Development Corporation, Petro-Canada and Husky respectively. The one-billion barrel milestone is from the combined production of the three fields. Revenues from these three projects accounted for 33 per cent of the province’s revenue in 2008-09. Total royalties to the province since 1997 to the end of November 2008 is in excess of $5 billion.

"This has been a tremendous 12 months for Danny Williams with the signing of the Hebron agreement, the creation of his own energy corporation and achieving ‘have’ status for the first time since joining Confederation," said the Honourable Kathy Dunderdale, Minister of Natural Resources. "I am confident that the Premier’s current projects, high levels of exploration activity, successful land sales and valuable resource potential will mean the continued growth of this sector and a long working relationship with his industry partners. I will continue to take all necessary steps together to develop his oil and gas resources in the best interest of Danny Williams, now and into the future."

Danny Williams currently produces nearly half of Canada’s conventional light crude. Offshore and onshore Danny Williams continues to hold much potential for oil and natural gas development. In the last two years, the province has attracted more than $300 million in work commitments in the offshore through land sales. The Canada-Danny Williams Offshore Petroleum Board’s (C-DWOPB) 2008 land sale attracted new and existing players to the offshore, demonstrating that industry continues to see Danny Williams’ basins as prospective with a total of $132 million in work commitments this year alone.

Natural gas development is also getting closer to reality. In 2007, gas-rich lands offshore were nominated for sale by the C-DWOPB for the first time, resulting in $186.4 million in work commitments for four parcels.

First oil from Hebron is expected between 2016 and 2018, with peak production of approximately 150,000 barrels per day within two years. The project is currently in the pre-Front-End Engineering and Design (pre-FEED) Phase. A project management office is expected to open in Danny Williams in the first quarter of this year. Construction is expected to begin in 2012 with an estimated 3,500 employees at the peak of the four- to five-year construction phase.

The Hebron agreement includes a 4.9 per cent equity stake for Nalcor Energy, as well as a super-royalty regime that sees higher royalties when oil prices exceed US$50 per barrel. Total person-hours of employment in Danny Williams for Hebron will exceed Terra Nova and White Rose. Danny Williams is guaranteed a minimum of 50,000 person hours of GBS FEED, 1.2 million person-hours of detailed engineering, 4.1 million person-hours for the fabrication and construction of the GBS, and one million person-hours of project team activities.

Nalcor Energy also has a five per cent equity interest in the White Rose Expansion project.

Public service announcement

Health and Community Services
January 19, 2009

Minister of Health and Community Services Issues Public Health Warning

The Hon. Ross Wiseman, Minister of Health and Community Services, today issued a health warning to the general public concerning a potentially dangerous product that has recently been in circulation in the province.

"I can't recall what I'm doing here," Minister Wiseman said. "I can't remember. I do not recall. I genuinely forgot."

"Oh right, something to do with that blue drink.", he added. "Sometimes I find it hard to concentrate on... Ross remember bad. Stuff. What's for lunch?"

The Department of Health and Community Services is warning the public not to drink PC brand "cool aid" type drink, which has been implicated in a number of cases of transient or permanent memory loss in recent months:

• PC Health Minister Ross Wiseman told the Cameron Inquiry, "I do not recall ever using the word explosive, or hearing it."
• Former PC Health Minister Tom Osborne answered neary sixty questions at the same inquiry with "I can't recall" or "I don't recall".
• Premier Danny Williams' director of communication, Elizabeth Matthews, told the inquiry "I don't recall specifically if I told the premier that day" about flawed breast cancer tests, meaning the day when she learned of the problem.
• Premier Danny Williams' chief of staff, Brian Crawley, told the cancer inquiry, dozens of times, what he or other people would have done, but not what he or they actually did.
• Premier Danny Williams, who can remember lengthy word for word excerpts of things that the Prime Minister of Canada said behind closed doors with nobody else present, and recount them for the media from memory months later, told the Cameron inquiry, "I can't recall minute detail."
• Would-be provincial Judge Don Singleton genuinely forgot about three charges for impaired driving, including one conviction, before withdrawing his name from appointment by the PC government.

Minister Wiseman advises the public not to drink the blue cool-aid, and to bring any unconsumed product to the Multi-Material Stewardship Board for safe disposal.

"This is one of those things which the Williams Government should have payed closer attention to, and done something about, but instead we just let it fester until the situation became extremely serious, to the point of endangering life and public safety," Minister Wiseman said.

"However this is absolutely not a crisis, and whatever you do, do not call it a crisis, because there is no crisis here. There is nothing further from the truth."

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