Quebec, NL to merge

IP Freely is an eager reader of the Bill Rowe's weekly column in the Telegram. He is our spiritual and political inspiration and we hope he will someday rejoin the political fray and help lead this province back into the light.

While we await that glorious time, we have learned from good sources that Mr. Rowe's column last week was an engineered "leak", a trial balloon released by Premier Williams: we have discovered that Danny and Charest have already engaged in advanced talks about merging the two provinces.

For the two premiers, it's a win-win.

• For Danny, it staves of the growing pressure for "Atlantic Union".
• For Charest, it shows he has the leadership necessary for his charge on EU free trade, and, if taking in Newfoundland is the price for solving the Labrador "dispute", then it's a cheap price to pay. Plus, it's another half-million federalist-ish voters for the next referendum.

Talks are so far along that they are already considering flags for the new province and have already shortlisted these two designs.

Bill Rowe is said to be in line for a senior appointment for his role in all of this.

Since Quebec would object to being called Newfoundland, Newfoundland would object to being called Quebec, the new province will be called Labrador.

Flag #1

Flag #2

Williams motivational poster

. . . because we all some some motivating to be worthy of our Premier.

Danny's home movies (and song)

More than once our Danny has referred to the people of this province as "homing pigeons". I guess he means that while our people may leave this province for greener pastures for a time, eventually our homing instinct will kick in and we will make our way back home.

Coming back from his Alberta trip, he did it again. He even brought back a home movie explaining what he meant for the more feeble-minded of us.

Thank you, Premier, for taking the time to make it clear what you really think.

Our (un)Happy Premier

You might remember the time when our fair Newfoundland and Labrador was Canada's Happy Province.

We were so happy that even our license plates said so.

But these days we don't seem so happy. We seem. . . sour and crooked.

Even our glorious premier seems. . . sour and crooked.

So we have put together this small video of advice to our dear premier.

Remember dear Danny: A smile is a light in the window of the soul indicating that the heart is at home.

North Korea and NL deal

This just in from the IPF Newswire. . . .

While it hasn't been made public in this country (or either of these countries yet), part of Danny's trade mission out west involved a secret, unannounced trip to North Korea.

This trip explains the recent flurry of activity around Makkovik and Postville.

Premier Williams has signed a deal giving North Korea unlimited access to Labrador uranium, as the article says, "for Peaceful Purposes Of National Development And Advancement Of Peaceful North Korean Peoples'". (See attached from the People's Republic Worker's Standard.)

In exchange, the Williams government is getting the very best of North Korean expertise in economics, state-owned enterprise, and diplomacy, with options on 20,000 fish plant workers.

Kim Jong Il has already dispatched the first several installments of expert advisers to Newfoundland, who have been at work behind the scenes for some months now. The head North Korean in Confederation Building, Park Sun Yee, is said to be one of the North Korean best.

He will be taking office in the space previously occupied by former economic development czar, Alfred Valdmanis.

The uranium is only being processed to "yellowcake" in the province. The North Koreans would not agree to the fuel rod plant that Williams was demanding for Stephenville, which he was hoping to announce during the Port-au-Port by-election. However, the Williams administration, desperate for an economic win, had to agree to the terms as proposed by the North Koreans.

Controversy over this deal has already erupted.

Sue Kelland-Dyer, president of ANL (Autarky NewfoundlandLabrador) is harshly critical of the deal. "I thought Danny would be taking the valuable principles of Juche and adapting them to this province. But as long as this province is not fully processing this uranium into value-added final products like fuel rods, we are giving away jobs. If countries like Pakistan and Iran can produce and export highly-enriched uranium for the world market, why can't we? We can learn much from them."

"This may be the biggest giveaway yet. If we can't export world-class completed nuclear weapons, then we should leave the uranium in the ground," she said.

The Newfoundland and Labrador Defense League (NLDL) released a statement through their spokesperson. "Finally this province would be recognized as a global nuclear center of excellence. We look forward to the growth of this industry and the important role it will have in defending this province's place in the world."

Premier Williams had no comment.

New provincial map

This just in: a leak from the provincial government's Department of Education.

There's discontent with recent cartographic representations of this province so the Williams administration has decided to respond.

Not only is Labrador ours, all ours and just ours, but the representation of the rest of the province represents this government's geographical/cultural self-image.

Thanks to D, our anonymous source!

Sneak preview of PC campaign ad - "Who Needs It"

This just in - a leak from the PC Newfoundland and Labrador campaign headquarters. Called "Who Needs It", it's a winner!

Job opportunities with government

Who says the provincial government isn't doing anything for job creation?

They are doing all they can to ensure full employment of the Newfoundlandlabradorians who have the right qualifications.

See?

New campaign video

Again, the PC campaign is leaking like an old boat in bad weather. Here's another pilot campaign video, this time from the Kennedy campaign in Carbonear.

Good luck, Mr. Kennedy!

Dannystan Official Alert System

Watch this space for the most up to date warnings and where to bury your head when the time comes

Website for Minister Hickey